OK. Now, we're talking! That's more like it. That, boys and girls, was a road race. Frankly, that's why Watkins Glen is my favorite road course on the NASCAR schedule.
You can have your fancy new tracks like COTA and the crime-riddled Chicago street race. That's fine. Take ‘em. They're all yours! I don't want them.
I'll gladly take Watkins Glen. Old reliable. The tried-and-true road course on NASCAR's schedule. It's been there forever, and never lets us down.
And neither did Chris Buescher! I swear to God, I would've come out of the gates SWINGING today if Shane Van Gisbergen won that automobile race.
I don't know why, but I can't stand the guy. And it's not his fault! It literally has nothing to do with him. I think it's just the fact that the insufferable mainstream media acted like he was the second coming of Christ last year when he won at Chicago, and it made me want to puke.
I also hate when road ringers come in and win a race. Bugs the hell out of me. It's the NASCAR playoffs. The only people who should be winning races right now are playoff drivers, or those who jussssssssst missed out on them. Not Shane Van Gisbergen.
This is America, pal. Piss off!
What else should we discuss on this third Monday of September? Well, how about another NASCAR driver – Matt Tifft! – getting the shit kicked out of him over the weekend? No, that ain't hyperbole. He literally got kicked – straight in the noggin. What a scene.
I've also got the most electric invocation you've ever heard over in the IndyCar Series (yuck), a pissed off Martin Truex Jr., and an even pissed off-er Ryan Blaney. Angry Rhino!!! The best.
Four tires, just a touch of that Sunoco racin' fuel, and an Advil for poor Matty Tifft … Monday Morning Pit-Stop – the ‘You Came To The Wrong Place’ edition – is LIVE!!
We interrupt your NASCAR race for Matt Tifft getting assaulted
I know, it's an unconventional way to start, but if it's gonna lead my headline, it's not fair to save it for the very end. I'm a man of the people, and fair is fair.
Former NASCAR driver Matt Tifft picked a fight with the wrong team after Saturday's ASA STARS National Tour event at Toledo Speedway, and it led to the most jarring kick I've ever seen in my life.
Rollllllllllllll tape!
I mean, my goodness. BOOOM! Guy just comes out of nowhere. And it's so unnecessary. Like, Matt Tifft is down. He's being restrained by bigger dudes. No chance he's getting up. Frankly, he's not even that pissed! At the moment of the kick, everyone seemed pretty much over it and ready to move on.
And then … BAM!! Kick to the noggin out of nowhere. What a twist. Also … kicking Matt Tifft in the head is such a scumbag move. For those who don't remember Matty's story, he literally beat brain cancer about a decade ago.
The guy had a seven-hour surgery to have a tumor scraped off his brain, and then returned to race in the NASCAR Xfinity Series. Legend.
PS: Pizza Hut? Matt. You're better than that. Have some pride.
PPS: Don't Bust Your Knuckles, Bust Your Nuts. Electric shirt.
PPPS: UPDATED: Matt says he may press charges because the guy is scum of the earth, and I don't blame him.
The anger was flowing at Watkins Glen
No it wasn't. Pizza Hut stopped being bomb the second they ripped out the buffet and threw away the March Madness basketballs. You know it, I know it, Matty T knows it.
Ice up, Matt!
Should Matt sue this scumbag into next year? Let me know! [email protected] (or just write to say Hi, either-or).
OK, let's leave Joe's state of Ohio and head to upstate New York, where Chris Buescher knocked SVG's ass out of the way to spare me a week of the woke NASCAR media folks drooling over him. Thank God. Thank you, Chris Buescher. Great move:
Just a solid road race from start to finish. Thank God for those last few cautions, though, to bunch ‘em back up and let ’em back at it, because it was shaping up to be a snoozer of an ending.
Also … what did we all think of Leigh Diffey's call? I've heard from plenty of you at this point, and it seems our new NBC play-by-play man still has some work to do. I didn't think this one was bad, but I also don't need a history lesson every time we get to the end of a race.
He did it during the Busch-Cindric battle a few weeks ago, calling it back to some stupid Xfinity race in 2020, and he did it again yesterday with the Ambrose stuff. Maybe it's just me, but I just don't want that in that moment. Don't need it.
Ryan, Martin … thoughts?
More Watkins Glen anger, fried (Ba)Toni, woke NASCAR and AMEN!
“I'm outta here.”
Nobody in the history of time has ever been more ready to retire than Martin Truex Jr. Guy HATES it here. He looks around, sees all of his friends gone, sees a bunch of 20-year-old punks who have their heads in their phones 24/7, and he's just ready to get the hell on home.
Let's check in on the points heading into Bristol's cut-off race to really gauge what sort of trouble Martin's in:
Forget MTJ … how about Denny Hamlin being six points OUT of the playoffs with one race to go until the Round of 12? Would be the upset of the year if Chase Briscoe, Alex Bowman, Austin Cindric and Daniel Suarez all advanced, while Denny got himself eliminated.
Do I think it's gonna happen? Probably not. But he's gonna have to be on his best behavior at Bristol.
OK, back to the Glen!
Nothing spells P-A-G-E-V-I-E-W-S like a Michael McDowell vs. Zane Smith fight! I can smell it! This is the #content y'all have been waiting for. Zane vs. Mikey!
Or, maybe … Zane's bride, McCall? Either-or, I reckon:
Been a while, McCall! Welcome back. Don't be such a stranger next time.
Speaking of MMPS Legends … let's check in with NASCAR driver/Victoria's Secret driver, Toni Breidinger:
Bob at 4:59: Toni should be able to make it the whole race.
Bob at 6:05: she's done.
Get better soon, Toni! Sick scooter, too. Love those things.
Two more on the way out!
These may seem silly, but on a day the lefties tried to murder our former president once again, I chose to laugh at these instead.
And you know what? I'm better for it.
First? Woke NASCAR!
That little number went internet-viral over the weekend, and it's a winner. Solid work from SVG's strongest soldier, which is also a funny name.
Kyle BLM is funny given his … unfortunate … history.
Me Too McDowell is solid.
Bi Gibbs!
Chase Elliott.
That last one is the best. If you get it, you get it.
Finally … on the way out, let's all go to our Father in prayer before a big work week. Lord knows we need him.
Off to Bristol.
